When couples argue about such issues as jealously, sex or money, the origins of these arguments are usually some form of protest from one partner about not feeling connected, not trusting, or not feeling safe or secure with the other partner. When those we are attached to are not available, or are not responding to our needs to feel close or supported we feel distressed. We may become anxious or fearful, numb or distant. This is when it’s time for most people to begin looking at couples therapy.
These behaviors can become habitual or rigid modes of reacting to our partners. Furthermore, these toxic behavior patterns seem to take on a life of their own as they cycle into repetitive couple’s interactions that cause much pain, injury and despair. We focus on these patterns and work on changing these negative interaction cycles in a non-judgmental environment.
In a relatively short time, couples begin to recognize and eventually express their needs for love, support, protection and comfort that are often hidden or disguised by the harsh or angry words used in repetitive self- defeating patterns of conflict or arguments with each other. Partners begin to “listen with the heart,” one of the cornerstones of EFT – which means listening not for the literal meaning of a partner’s words, but for the feelings that lie beneath. In return, the other partner is better able to respond from their heart in kind. This is the emotional focus of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.
We view the building of “a safe haven” in your relationship as our primary task, and we will try to focus on your primary needs – to feel close, secure and responded to –which probably underlie most of your couple’s conflict.
Once this safe haven and feelings of connection are reestablished, you will be better able to manage conflict and the painful or difficult feelings that will inevitably arise from time to time in a close relationship. Furthermore, without so much defensiveness, each of you will be able to send clearer messages and will be better able to hear the other’s perspective. You will be better able to collaborate, problem-solve and compromise – in short – you will be more of a team – which is the secret of a long-lived, successful marriage,
EFT moves couples from distress to recovery in 70 – 75% of cases, while generating improvement in 90%. EFT is used with different types of couples through private practice, university training centers, and hospital clinics. EFT treats those suffering from disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress, chronic illness, and more.
To view further resources on EFT, please refer to the EFT website: www.iceeft.com.
One of the things I love most about my work is helping clients develop a bond in their most significant relationships. Most of us aren’t taught how to be in adult love relationships. No one gave us a road map as a result we often end up hurt and alone. I am devoted in helping my clients repair the hurt, heal and reconnect.